Monday, May 16, 2011

One Year

One year ago I could not imagine making it to this day. Soon after losing Gavin I began using a matra of "Just keep moving", and later when people asked how I was doing my response was almost always taking it minute by minute. I cannot say that the pain is any less, I would say I am more numb to it. Sometimes seeing a little boy on tv shed his jacket in excitement will bring me to tears. Sometimes I will remember something silly Gavin did and laugh. I think, maybe, the moments of laughter could be outnumbering those of tears. Gavin is still the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing I think of each night. Having your worst fear realized truly is a nightmare. When missing him so much takes my breath away I try to picture him in heaven running and laughing with all those who went before him. I find some comfort in knowing that I will see him again.
Mommy loves you Gavin, she misses your sweet face, bright smile and messy hair. You were a blessing and made our lives so much better, you will always have a place in our lives. We all miss you sweet boy, see you soon. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thursday, May 12, 2011

*Ding Dong* Creative Desire Calling

I took a big break from scrapbooking, oh like 7 months or so. After losing my son Gavin, I was so depressed. I took no pictures at Thanksgiving or Christmas 2010, in past years Christmas pics were easily 100+. I had zero interest this year in recording this time, all I could see was who was missing. In January I started a new job with people that I truly enjoy working with doing something I enjoy. Gradually the depression loosened its hold on me. Around April I started feeling that familiar itch to create, perhaps this had something to do with the start of baseball season for Dimitri & Aidan….  A high school friend had a baby shower coming up and I decided I wanted to decopauge her baby’s initial, this really made that itch grow!
I had totally stopped looking at any scrapbooking websites or blogs, scrappy emails didn’t get a second look. So I decided to pick up the latest scrap mag and see if I felt inspired. I was surprised at all the new products that had come out while I was absent and moderately inspired. I started thinking of all the baseball pictures I was going to have and started searching for baseball themed products… Then I was bitten. I was finding all kinds of stuff I wanted. So after almost a month of preparation and build up I finally scrapped my
first pages in 7 months.

I am very pleased with the outcomes of each.
My mind is already quickly creating new lo’s to do. Even though all of our hearts were hurting at Easter we had a family photo taken. I plan to scrap this in a couple of different ways, I know one of them will feature the Indie Girl line from Sassafras. I am glad that my desire to create has returned. I will continue to scrap photos of Gavin. I guess when I have scrapped them all I will just start again and tell a different story about him. It is very important to me to record my families & my memories of him, I want our children to remember his time with us.

I hope to continue Tamia’s album, right now I am focusing on things that make my heart happy and that I want to scrap